1
00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,805
KYLE, WHEN I LOG OFF FROM
THE HANDYMAN WEBSITE
2
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:07,440
I'LL SHOW YOU HOW TO FILL
IN THAT GROOVE YOU MAKING.
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,242
OVERTON, MAN, IN A FEW MINUTES
4
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,813
I'M GOING TO BE FACE‐TO‐FACE WITH
AN AUDITOR FROM THE I. R. S.
5
00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:15,516
LET ME WALK A FEW MORE
MOMENTS AS A FREE MAN.
6
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:17,183
COME ON, MAN. STOP TRIPPIN'.
7
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:20,253
I MEAN, YOU GOT NOTHING
TO BE GUILTY OF...
8
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,322
DO YOU?
9
00:00:22,388 --> 00:00:23,657
OF COURSE NOT, MAN
10
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:26,760
BUT THE JAILS, THEY ARE
FULL OF INNOCENT MEN
11
00:00:26,827 --> 00:00:28,929
AND THE BIG, STRONG GUILTY MEN
12
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:33,199
WHO TRADE THEM FOR CIGARETTES.
13
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:34,568
HONESTLY, KYLE
14
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,537
WHAT DO YOU THINK
THEY GOT ON YOU?
15
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:38,605
OVERTON, LAST YEAR
16
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:41,942
I DEDUCTED 596
BUSINESS LUNCHES, MAN.
17
00:00:42,008 --> 00:00:43,677
FIVE HUNDRED NINETY‐SIX?
18
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,411
THAT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM
19
00:00:45,478 --> 00:00:49,015
UNLESS, OF COURSE, THE GUY KNOWS
ANYTHING ABOUT A CALENDAR.
20
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:50,150
IT'S ALL LEGIT.
21
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:51,785
I SET UP THREE BUSINESS LUNCHES
22
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:54,154
AT ONE RESTAURANT AND BY
THE TIME THEY'RE OVER
23
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,289
I HAVE A FULL BELLY
AND A FAT COMMISSION.
24
00:00:56,356 --> 00:00:58,091
AW, MAN, JUST QUIT TRIPPIN'.
25
00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:00,400
I MEAN, HOW'S SOME
GOVERNMENT DRONE
26
00:01:00,466 --> 00:01:01,768
GOING TO COMPETE
27
00:01:01,835 --> 00:01:04,671
WITH A FINANCIAL
WIZARD LIKE YOURSELF?
28
00:01:04,738 --> 00:01:07,974
THAT'D BE LIKE ALFRED
KICKING BATMAN'S ASS.
29
00:01:08,041 --> 00:01:09,242
YOU KNOW, OVERTON
30
00:01:09,308 --> 00:01:11,077
THE IMAGE OF THE I. R. S. AGENT
31
00:01:11,144 --> 00:01:13,647
AS A FEDERAL NERD IN
GLASSES IS A MYTH, MAN.
32
00:01:13,714 --> 00:01:15,415
YOU KNOW, THEY NAILED CAPONE.
33
00:01:15,481 --> 00:01:16,583
( Knocking )
34
00:01:16,650 --> 00:01:18,785
LOOK, THEY ARE HIT MEN
WITH CALCULATORS.
35
00:01:18,852 --> 00:01:19,920
I'M TELLING YOU.
36
00:01:22,288 --> 00:01:23,757
OH! UH. GOOD DAY.
37
00:01:23,824 --> 00:01:26,660
I'M AGENT DIPPLE,
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE.
38
00:01:28,194 --> 00:01:30,731
OH... SUGAR!
39
00:01:36,903 --> 00:01:39,540
♪ WE ARE LIVING ♪
40
00:01:39,606 --> 00:01:42,108
♪ SINGLE ♪
41
00:01:42,175 --> 00:01:43,944
♪ OOH, IN A '90s KIND OF WORLD ♪
42
00:01:44,010 --> 00:01:46,412
♪ I'M GLAD I GOT MY GIRLS ♪
43
00:01:46,479 --> 00:01:47,748
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ WHAT? ♪
44
00:01:47,814 --> 00:01:48,958
♪ KEEP YOUR HEAD UP ♪
♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪
45
00:01:48,982 --> 00:01:50,262
♪ WHENEVER THIS
LIFE GETS TOUGH ♪
46
00:01:50,286 --> 00:01:51,417
♪ YOU GOT TO FIGHT WITH ♪
47
00:01:51,484 --> 00:01:53,364
♪ MY HOMEGIRL STANDING TO
MY LEFT AND MY RIGHT ♪
48
00:01:53,388 --> 00:01:55,155
♪ TRUE BLUE, IT'S
TIGHT LIKE GLUE ♪
49
00:01:55,221 --> 00:01:57,558
♪ CHECK, CHECK, CHECK IT OUT ♪
50
00:01:57,624 --> 00:01:59,292
♪ WE ARE LIVING SINGLE. ♪
51
00:01:59,359 --> 00:02:01,902
[Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
52
00:02:01,968 --> 00:02:04,671
[and WARNER BROS. TELEVISION]
53
00:02:08,709 --> 00:02:10,010
ALL RIGHT, NOW, SYNCLAIRE
54
00:02:10,076 --> 00:02:11,945
JUST FOR FUN, TRY
NOT TO TIP US OFF
55
00:02:12,012 --> 00:02:13,847
ABOUT THE KIND OF
HAND YOU'VE GOT.
56
00:02:13,914 --> 00:02:15,048
OKAY.
57
00:02:15,115 --> 00:02:17,316
JUST CALL ME "POKER FACE."
58
00:02:19,819 --> 00:02:21,487
YEAH!
59
00:02:22,155 --> 00:02:23,189
I FOLD.
60
00:02:23,256 --> 00:02:24,324
I'M OUT.
61
00:02:24,390 --> 00:02:25,491
ME TOO.
62
00:02:25,559 --> 00:02:26,927
I WIN.
63
00:02:26,993 --> 00:02:28,695
( Doorbell ringing )
64
00:02:33,634 --> 00:02:35,301
MARY MARIE PLAZA.
65
00:02:35,368 --> 00:02:36,503
HEY!
66
00:02:36,570 --> 00:02:38,639
REGINE, MAX
67
00:02:38,705 --> 00:02:40,674
THIS IS MARY MARIE.
68
00:02:40,741 --> 00:02:42,342
( Snotty tone ): PLAZA.
69
00:02:42,408 --> 00:02:44,945
SHE DIRECTED THAT
"HOOCHIE HOEDOWN" VIDEO
70
00:02:45,011 --> 00:02:46,246
WE SAW LAST WEEK.
71
00:02:48,381 --> 00:02:52,553
CATCHY TUNE, BUT EVEN I WOULDN'T
MILK A COW IN A THONG, YOU KNOW.
72
00:02:52,619 --> 00:02:54,555
KHADIJAH, I'M HERE TO THANK YOU.
73
00:02:54,621 --> 00:02:56,657
YOUR THOUGHT‐PROVOKING INTERVIEW
74
00:02:56,723 --> 00:02:59,726
MADE ME REALIZE I COULDN'T
BRING MYSELF TO DIRECT
75
00:02:59,793 --> 00:03:01,768
ONE MORE FLESH‐PEDDLING VIDEO.
76
00:03:01,835 --> 00:03:03,704
OH, WHAT, YOU FOUND A NEW WAY
77
00:03:03,770 --> 00:03:07,641
TO SET BACK THE WOMEN'S
MOVEMENT ANOTHER CENTURY?
78
00:03:07,708 --> 00:03:08,809
NO!
79
00:03:08,875 --> 00:03:10,343
I HAVE A NOBLER ASPIRATION.
80
00:03:10,410 --> 00:03:12,212
YOU'RE ALL INVITED
TO THE OPENING
81
00:03:12,278 --> 00:03:14,815
OF MY OFF‐OFF BROADWAY
DIRECTING DEBUT‐‐
82
00:03:14,881 --> 00:03:18,118
A REVIVAL OF "THE
CALLING HOURS."
83
00:03:18,184 --> 00:03:20,086
AN AMERICAN CLASSIC.
84
00:03:20,153 --> 00:03:22,122
ISN'T THAT PLAY ABOUT A FUNERAL?
85
00:03:22,188 --> 00:03:24,290
IF I WANTED TO SPEND
AN HOUR AND A HALF
86
00:03:24,357 --> 00:03:27,427
WITH A DECAYING CORPSE, I'D
INVITE KYLE TO DINNER.
87
00:03:28,729 --> 00:03:30,296
YOU KNOW, I SAW
"THE CALLING HOURS"
88
00:03:30,363 --> 00:03:31,397
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
89
00:03:31,464 --> 00:03:33,399
MAN, THAT PLAY CHANGED MY LIFE.
90
00:03:33,466 --> 00:03:34,601
REALLY?
91
00:03:34,668 --> 00:03:35,836
MM‐HMM.
92
00:03:35,902 --> 00:03:38,371
I MEAN, FOR HOURS,
THOSE ACTRESSES WEPT
93
00:03:38,438 --> 00:03:40,507
WITHOUT ONE CASE
OF RACCOON EYES?
94
00:03:40,574 --> 00:03:44,711
HONEY, ON THAT DAY, I
DISCOVERED WATERPROOF MASCARA.
95
00:03:44,778 --> 00:03:46,112
( Beeper beeping )
96
00:03:46,179 --> 00:03:47,714
MAY I USE YOUR PHONE?
97
00:03:47,781 --> 00:03:48,815
YEAH. KITCHEN.
98
00:03:48,882 --> 00:03:50,282
Synclaire: WOW. "THE
CALLING HOURS."
99
00:03:50,306 --> 00:03:53,119
I MUST HAVE DONE THAT
PLAY A HUNDRED TIMES.
100
00:03:53,186 --> 00:03:54,187
WHEN?
101
00:03:54,254 --> 00:03:56,389
AS AN USHER AT THE
YOUTH THEATER.
102
00:03:56,456 --> 00:03:59,926
YOU KNOW, TO THIS DAY, WHEN I
WALK ACROSS A STICKY FLOOR
103
00:03:59,993 --> 00:04:02,102
I GET MISTY.
104
00:04:02,168 --> 00:04:03,870
STAY OUT OF PUBLIC REST ROOMS
105
00:04:03,937 --> 00:04:05,772
AND MAX'S KITCHEN
106
00:04:05,839 --> 00:04:07,641
AND YOU BE ALL RIGHT.
107
00:04:09,209 --> 00:04:12,145
MAYBE MARY MARIE
NEEDS AN UNDERSTUDY.
108
00:04:12,212 --> 00:04:14,948
OKAY, I GOT TO GET MY
HEADSHOT, MY RESUME
109
00:04:15,015 --> 00:04:16,216
MY DEMO TAPE...
110
00:04:16,282 --> 00:04:17,784
YOU DON'T HAVE A DEMO TAPE.
111
00:04:17,851 --> 00:04:19,085
GOOD POINT.
112
00:04:19,152 --> 00:04:20,587
MAX, YOU GET THE CAMCORDER.
113
00:04:20,654 --> 00:04:23,423
KHADIJAH, HAVE YOU
SEEN MY "ANNIE" WIG?
114
00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:25,258
UH... NOW, HOLD UP, HOLD UP.
115
00:04:25,325 --> 00:04:27,528
LOOK, YOU NOT GOING
TO SCORE POINTS
116
00:04:27,594 --> 00:04:29,863
BY BEING YOUR USUAL,
OVEREAGER SELF.
117
00:04:29,930 --> 00:04:32,132
NAME ONE TIME WHEN
I WAS OVEREAGER.
118
00:04:32,198 --> 00:04:34,100
WHEN YOU TACKLED
JAMES EARL JONES
119
00:04:34,167 --> 00:04:35,669
OUTSIDE LINCOLN CENTER.
120
00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:38,872
HE WAS RUNNING A
LITTLE TOO FAST.
121
00:04:38,938 --> 00:04:41,074
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
122
00:04:41,141 --> 00:04:43,309
THE ACTRESS I CAST AS
SHIRLEEN JUST UP AND QUIT.
123
00:04:43,376 --> 00:04:46,613
SHE GOT A ROLE IN SHOWGIRLS:
PART II, SHOW MORE.
124
00:04:48,114 --> 00:04:49,683
SO YOU NEED ANOTHER ACTRESS
125
00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:51,484
WHO KNOWS ALL THE LINES
126
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,720
AND COULD GET OUT OF HER JOB
127
00:04:53,787 --> 00:04:56,022
AS A RECEPTIONIST LIKE THAT.
128
00:04:57,390 --> 00:05:00,493
( Muttering ): SYNCLAIRE, YOU
TELL HER YOU WANT THAT PART.
129
00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:03,269
BEFORE I SLAP THE
HELL OUT OF YOU.
130
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:05,171
MARY, MARY, I'M AN ACTRESS
131
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,041
AND I KNOW THAT PART.
132
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:10,176
MARY MARIE!
133
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:13,580
( mimics snotty voice ): PLAZA.
134
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,916
THANK YOU.
135
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:18,384
DO YOU REALLY KNOW THE
ROLE OF SHIRLEEN?
136
00:05:18,451 --> 00:05:20,086
OH! OH! OH! I KNOW EVERY LINE!
137
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,888
PLUS, I COULD HAND OUT PROGRAMS
138
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,056
PARK THE CARS
139
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,758
AND SCRAPE THE GUM OFF A SEAT
140
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,226
LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS.
141
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,394
THIS IS KISMET!
142
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:31,532
KHADIJAH'S ARTICLE FREES ME
FROM MY SELF‐IMPOSED MISERY
143
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:34,735
AND KHADIJAH'S COUSIN
DRIVES ME TOWARD MY GOAL!
144
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:37,003
COME, COME WITH MARY
MARIE PLAZA RIGHT NOW.
145
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,539
WE HAVE TO START REHEARSAL.
146
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:39,706
YES, OF COURSE.
147
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,107
OH, THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
148
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,909
I'M FULFILLING A DREAM I'VE HAD
149
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,110
SINCE I WAS 16.
150
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,579
SIXTEEN, HUH?
151
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:50,016
UNTIL THEN, SHE WANTED TO
BE ONE OF SANTA'S HELPERS.
152
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:53,086
UH‐HUH.
153
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:55,088
OH!
154
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,023
UH‐HUH.
155
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,158
UH‐HUH.
156
00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:00,493
WHAT? WHAT?
157
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,321
MR. BARKER, IN MY SEVEN
YEARS AT THE I. R. S.
158
00:06:02,345 --> 00:06:04,104
I HAVE NEVER SEEN
ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
159
00:06:04,170 --> 00:06:05,205
WAIT, I ASSURE YOU
160
00:06:05,271 --> 00:06:07,173
I DIDN'T DEDUCT ANY
OF THOSE ITEMS.
161
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:08,408
OH, NO, NO.
162
00:06:08,474 --> 00:06:09,576
( Snorting laugh )
163
00:06:09,643 --> 00:06:11,244
NO, I WAS ADMIRING.
164
00:06:11,311 --> 00:06:13,914
IN A SINGLE DAY, YOU PURCHASED
165
00:06:13,980 --> 00:06:16,650
AN ARABIAN SILK CAMISOLE,
DINNER AT JEZEBEL'S
166
00:06:16,717 --> 00:06:18,719
AND A NIGHTCAP AT
THE FOUR SEASONS
167
00:06:18,785 --> 00:06:21,354
WHERE YOU RESERVED THE
PRESIDENTIAL SUITE?
168
00:06:21,421 --> 00:06:23,389
AH, YES, TRINITY NIGHT.
169
00:06:23,456 --> 00:06:25,391
IT INVOLVED THREE
DIFFERENT WOMEN
170
00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:28,094
AND THE EXPERIENCE WAS
DEFINITELY RELIGIOUS.
171
00:06:28,161 --> 00:06:30,196
( chuckling )
172
00:06:30,263 --> 00:06:31,798
THREE WOMEN IN ONE DAY.
173
00:06:31,865 --> 00:06:32,899
YEAH.
174
00:06:32,966 --> 00:06:34,735
IF I HAD ONE‐THIRD
OF YOUR SUCCESS...
175
00:06:34,801 --> 00:06:36,603
STOP TORTURING YOURSELF, DIPPLE.
176
00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:38,739
OKAY.
177
00:06:40,774 --> 00:06:42,075
( Dry chuckle )
178
00:06:42,142 --> 00:06:44,177
I HAVE A HARD TIME BELIEVING
179
00:06:44,244 --> 00:06:46,012
YOU'RE NOT A MAGNET
FOR THE LADIES.
180
00:06:46,079 --> 00:06:47,113
CAN I CONFIDE
181
00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:49,315
IN YOU?
182
00:06:49,382 --> 00:06:50,216
ONLY IF I CAN LEAF
THROUGH A MAGAZINE
183
00:06:50,283 --> 00:06:51,217
WHILE YOU DO IT.
184
00:06:51,284 --> 00:06:53,086
THERE IS A WAITRESS NAMED MONA
185
00:06:53,153 --> 00:06:54,555
AT THE FEDERAL BUILDING
186
00:06:54,621 --> 00:06:57,357
AND EVERY TIME I GO IN FOR
COFFEE, I ASK HER OUT
187
00:06:57,423 --> 00:07:00,326
AND SHE PLOPS DOWN A BEARCLAW
AND TURNS HER BACK ON ME
188
00:07:00,393 --> 00:07:03,504
AND WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BACK IT IS.
189
00:07:03,570 --> 00:07:07,273
OKAY, WELL, EXACTLY WHAT AMOROUS
OVERTURES HAVE YOU EMPLOYED?
190
00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,441
OH.
191
00:07:08,509 --> 00:07:11,211
WELL, I‐I‐I USUALLY
SAY SOMETHING LIKE
192
00:07:11,277 --> 00:07:13,279
"I BET YOU'RE A SHORT‐FORM USER.
193
00:07:13,346 --> 00:07:16,583
WANT TO KNOW HOW I CAN TELL?"
194
00:07:17,618 --> 00:07:19,653
AND SHE DIDN'T RESPOND TO THAT?
195
00:07:21,187 --> 00:07:23,456
ALL RIGHT, THEN, CHECK IT OUT.
196
00:07:23,524 --> 00:07:25,626
LOOK, NEXT TIME, JUST
ORDER A DANISH INSTEAD.
197
00:07:25,692 --> 00:07:28,461
SHE'LL SAY SOMETHING LIKE
"WHAT, NO BEARCLAW TODAY?"
198
00:07:28,529 --> 00:07:30,997
YOU COUNTER WITH, "YOU
GET PRETTIER EVERY DAY.
199
00:07:31,064 --> 00:07:34,100
DON'T I HAVE THE
RIGHT TO CHANGE?"
200
00:07:34,167 --> 00:07:36,537
OH, GOOD LORD, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
201
00:07:36,603 --> 00:07:38,071
YEAH, THANK YOU.
202
00:07:40,306 --> 00:07:41,842
IF YOU WERE MY CYRANO
203
00:07:41,908 --> 00:07:45,111
I WOULD HAVE MONA EATING
BEARCLAW OUT OF MY HAND.
204
00:07:45,178 --> 00:07:47,614
GET YOUR COAT! IT'S PASTRY TIME.
205
00:07:47,681 --> 00:07:51,518
AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME
TO SAY THIS, DIPPLE
206
00:07:51,585 --> 00:07:52,786
NO.
207
00:07:53,754 --> 00:07:56,322
MR. BARKER, THERE ARE
TWO KINDS OF AUDITS.
208
00:07:56,389 --> 00:07:58,659
ONE IS THE STANDARD LOOK‐SEE
209
00:07:58,725 --> 00:08:02,836
AND THE OTHER IS THE
DEEP‐TISSUE MASSAGE.
210
00:08:02,903 --> 00:08:06,039
YOU WANT ME IN YOUR LIFE FOR
A FEW DAYS OR A FEW MONTHS?
211
00:08:08,041 --> 00:08:10,611
THIS IS UNADULTERATED EXTORTION.
212
00:08:10,677 --> 00:08:12,913
I FEEL MORE VIRILE ALREADY.
213
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:20,386
BEHOLD MY NEW CREATION.
214
00:08:20,453 --> 00:08:21,788
Regine: WOW!
215
00:08:21,855 --> 00:08:23,824
OBIE, THE BASEBALL CAP.
216
00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:26,159
YOU BETTER RUN DOWN
TO THE PATENT OFFICE
217
00:08:26,226 --> 00:08:29,696
BEFORE 1896.
218
00:08:29,763 --> 00:08:32,866
EXCUSE ME, LITTLE
CHIEF RUNNING MOUTH.
219
00:08:34,901 --> 00:08:36,937
THIS HERE IS THE OBIE‐CAM
220
00:08:37,003 --> 00:08:41,875
A MINIATURE CAMERA DISGUISED
AS AN ATHLETIC CHAPEAU.
221
00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:45,311
I'M GOING TO USE IT TO TAPE
222
00:08:45,378 --> 00:08:47,648
MY BABY'S FIRST STAGE
PERFORMANCE...
223
00:08:47,714 --> 00:08:50,183
WITH HER CLOTHES ON, OF COURSE.
224
00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:53,353
OVERTON, THAT THING
IS RIDICULOUS.
225
00:08:53,419 --> 00:08:54,821
RIDICULOUS, YOU SAY?
226
00:08:54,888 --> 00:08:55,756
I SAY.
227
00:08:55,822 --> 00:08:57,891
I LAUGH IN YOUR FACE‐‐ HA HA!
228
00:08:59,459 --> 00:09:00,734
LET'S TRY IT OUT, THEN.
229
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,435
COME ON.
230
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:05,939
HOW'S THIS?
231
00:09:06,006 --> 00:09:09,075
MMM, UH, BACK UP A
LITTLE BIT, OKAY?
232
00:09:10,944 --> 00:09:12,112
A LITTLE BIT MORE.
233
00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:15,849
NAH. JUST‐JUST KEEP IT GOING.
234
00:09:17,951 --> 00:09:19,920
( Khadijah and Overton laugh )
235
00:09:19,986 --> 00:09:21,321
( sighing )
236
00:09:21,387 --> 00:09:24,457
HEY, MARY MARIE
PLAZA, SYNCLAIRE.
237
00:09:24,525 --> 00:09:26,459
HEY, BABY, HOW'S MY
DAMSEL OF DRAMA?
238
00:09:26,527 --> 00:09:28,494
OH, I FEEL, I FEEL
JAZZED, YOU KNOW?
239
00:09:28,562 --> 00:09:31,331
I FEEL SO CONNECTED TO
THAT CHARACTER OF SHIRLEEN
240
00:09:31,397 --> 00:09:33,366
LIKE RIGHT NOW,
SHE'S VERY TIRED.
241
00:09:33,433 --> 00:09:35,135
GOOD NIGHT.
242
00:09:36,937 --> 00:09:39,540
WELL, I GUESS WHEN MY BABY
ACCEPTS HER TONY AWARD
243
00:09:39,606 --> 00:09:41,508
YOU'LL BE THE FIRST
ONE SHE THANKS
244
00:09:41,575 --> 00:09:43,176
I MEAN, AFTER ME, OF COURSE.
245
00:09:43,243 --> 00:09:45,846
WHERE IS YOUR LIQUOR CABINET?
246
00:09:45,912 --> 00:09:49,049
OKAY, YOU CAN BE THE FIRST!
247
00:09:49,115 --> 00:09:54,120
THAT WOMAN IS QUITE POSSIBLY THE
WORST ACTRESS ON THE PLANET.
248
00:09:54,187 --> 00:09:56,322
HEY, COME ON, NOW.
249
00:09:56,389 --> 00:09:57,789
SHE'S ONLY HAD ONE
DAY OF REHEARSAL.
250
00:09:57,813 --> 00:09:59,626
LOOK, I'M SURE AFTER
SHE AND HER CHARACTER
251
00:09:59,693 --> 00:10:01,568
GET A LITTLE NAP,
THEY'LL COME AROUND.
252
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,670
I HAVE WORKED WITH VIDEO DANCERS
253
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,739
WHO SAT IN VATS OF GREEN JELL‐O
254
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:09,910
SQUEALING "OH, THE GREEN.
IT CHILLS ME."
255
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:14,480
THEY WERE OLIVIER
COMPARED TO HER.
256
00:10:14,548 --> 00:10:16,650
OH, NO, NO, NO.
257
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,037
SEE, MY BABY'S A
TOP‐NOTCH ACTRESS
258
00:10:18,061 --> 00:10:19,986
AND IF YOU CAN'T BRING
THAT OUT IN HER
259
00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:23,557
MAYBE YOU OUGHT TO GET ONE OF
THEM LITTLE JELL‐O JIGGLERS.
260
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:24,691
I CAN'T.
261
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:26,392
THE PLAY OPENS TOMORROW NIGHT
262
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,928
AND BY THE END OF THE SHOW
263
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,930
THERE'LL BE TWO MORE
COFFINS ON STAGE‐‐
264
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:32,398
ONE FOR MARY MARIE
PLAZA'S CAREER
265
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,802
AND ONE OF THE CAREER
OF SYNCLAIRE JAMES.
266
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,672
( Slams door )
267
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,040
NOW, SEE THERE.
268
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:42,709
THAT LADY DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT SHE TALKING 'BOUT.
269
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:45,445
SYNCLAIRE AND I ARE
GOING TO GET CREMATED.
270
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:54,154
TWO QUESTIONS: WHO
IS GOING TO LOWER
271
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:56,723
THE BOOM ON SYNCLAIRE,
AND WHERE'S THE JELLY?
272
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:58,525
WHY DO WE HAVE TO TELL SYNCLAIRE
273
00:10:58,592 --> 00:11:00,527
THAT HER DIRECTOR
THINKS SHE STINKS?
274
00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:02,468
MAYBE SHE'LL GO
OUT THERE TONIGHT
275
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:03,770
AND SURPRISE EVERYBODY.
276
00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:06,239
SHE'S ALWAYS HAD A
ANGEL ON HER SHOULDER.
277
00:11:06,306 --> 00:11:09,009
YEAH, THAT ANGEL'S GOING TO
TAKE OFF FOR THE RAFTERS
278
00:11:09,075 --> 00:11:10,777
ONCE THE TOMATOES START FLYING.
279
00:11:11,044 --> 00:11:14,648
NO, KHADIJAH, I CAN'T LET GIRLIE
GO OUT THERE UNPROTECTED.
280
00:11:14,715 --> 00:11:16,282
THAT'D BE LIKE A MECHANIC
281
00:11:16,349 --> 00:11:18,484
SENDING YOU OFF
WITH FAULTY BRAKES.
282
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:21,254
SURE, YOU MIGHT MAKE IT
HOME, BUT THEN AGAIN
283
00:11:21,321 --> 00:11:24,525
THEY MIGHT HAVE TO SCRAPE
YOUR ASS OFF A BILLBOARD.
284
00:11:24,591 --> 00:11:25,892
WHAT YOU THINK, MAX?
285
00:11:25,959 --> 00:11:28,328
UH, NO, I CAN'T
ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS.
286
00:11:28,394 --> 00:11:30,263
I... WHERE'S THE JELLY, MAN?
287
00:11:31,297 --> 00:11:34,434
WELL, OVERTON, IF YOU
INSIST ON TELLING SYNCLAIRE
288
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:36,336
AT LEAST SWEETEN IT A LITTLE.
289
00:11:36,402 --> 00:11:38,705
YOU KNOW HOW SENSITIVE
SYNCLAIRE IS.
290
00:11:38,772 --> 00:11:41,107
INSTEAD OF KILLING FLIES
291
00:11:41,174 --> 00:11:43,544
SHE TRIES TO TALK THEM INTO
LIVING SOMEPLACE ELSE.
292
00:11:43,610 --> 00:11:44,811
MORNING, EVERYBODY.
293
00:11:44,878 --> 00:11:46,446
GOOD MORNING, SYNCLAIRE.
294
00:11:46,513 --> 00:11:47,814
OR IS IT SHIRLEEN?
295
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:51,117
YOU'RE SO GOOD, GIRL, I
CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE.
296
00:11:51,184 --> 00:11:53,620
MARY MARIE PLAZA
THINKS YOU STINK.
297
00:11:53,687 --> 00:11:57,023
( laughing )
298
00:11:57,090 --> 00:11:58,892
WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME
299
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:01,134
WHAT'S GOING ON?
300
00:12:01,201 --> 00:12:04,470
WELL, HONEY, FROM
WHAT I UNDERSTAND...
301
00:12:04,538 --> 00:12:06,707
SHE THINKS YOU STINK.
302
00:12:06,773 --> 00:12:08,341
IMPOSSIBLE.
303
00:12:08,408 --> 00:12:10,611
SHE WAS THRILLED
WITH ME YESTERDAY.
304
00:12:10,677 --> 00:12:12,378
SHE WAS JUMPING UP AND DOWN
305
00:12:12,445 --> 00:12:14,748
SAYING, "MY GOD,
HOW CAN THIS BE?!"
306
00:12:16,482 --> 00:12:17,951
OH. OH.
307
00:12:19,686 --> 00:12:22,055
OH, WAIT, NOW.
308
00:12:22,122 --> 00:12:26,092
I GUESS, UH, THERE'S ANOTHER
WAY YOU COULD TAKE THAT.
309
00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:28,428
SORRY, BABY.
310
00:12:28,494 --> 00:12:30,363
SHE HATES ME.
311
00:12:30,430 --> 00:12:32,699
SHE REALLY HATES ME.
312
00:12:32,766 --> 00:12:34,300
OH, OKAY, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK
313
00:12:34,367 --> 00:12:37,538
I‐I‐I CAN TELL HER THERE'S
AN EMERGENCY AT THE OFFICE
314
00:12:37,604 --> 00:12:40,206
AND YOU CAN'T DO THE PLAY.
315
00:12:40,273 --> 00:12:43,009
YEAH, AND I COULD RIG THE WIRING
TO SHORT OUT A WHOLE CITY BLOCK.
316
00:12:43,076 --> 00:12:45,245
THAT WAY, PEOPLE'D
BE TOO BUSY LOOTING
317
00:12:45,311 --> 00:12:47,047
TO GIVE A DAMN ABOUT A PLAY.
318
00:12:48,949 --> 00:12:53,554
OH... I APPRECIATE
EVERYONE'S CONCERN
319
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:56,122
BUT THE FIRST RULE
OF THE THEATER
320
00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:57,891
IS THE SHOW MUST GO ON.
321
00:12:57,958 --> 00:12:59,626
TONIGHT, I WILL PROVE
322
00:12:59,693 --> 00:13:02,669
THAT SYNCLAIRE JAMES
HAS GOT THE GOODS.
323
00:13:02,736 --> 00:13:04,370
I SHALL... PERSEVERE.
324
00:13:05,739 --> 00:13:07,508
WORK THE CROWD.
325
00:13:07,574 --> 00:13:09,543
YOU WORK THE CROWD, BABY.
326
00:13:10,744 --> 00:13:12,445
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME
327
00:13:12,513 --> 00:13:16,182
SHIRLEEN AND I ARE GOING
TO GO AND TAKE A SHOWER.
328
00:13:18,752 --> 00:13:20,954
IS IT JUST ME
329
00:13:21,021 --> 00:13:23,356
OR DOES THAT THOUGHT
TURN ANYBODY ELSE ON?
330
00:13:29,596 --> 00:13:31,865
( Knock at door )
331
00:13:36,169 --> 00:13:38,839
HI‐DEE‐HO, MACK MAESTRO.
332
00:13:41,041 --> 00:13:44,210
IT'S THE CAB CALLOWAY
OF THE GEEKS.
333
00:13:44,277 --> 00:13:47,714
THANKS TO YOU, MONA AND I
HAD A GRAND OLD TIME‐‐
334
00:13:47,781 --> 00:13:50,450
DINNER, DANCING, AND
JUST BEFORE DAWN
335
00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:52,052
WE WENT ALL THE WAY.
336
00:13:52,118 --> 00:13:53,219
AH...
337
00:13:53,286 --> 00:13:54,921
SHE KISSED ME
SQUARE ON THE CHEEK
338
00:13:54,988 --> 00:13:57,490
AND IT WASN'T JUST A LITTLE
FRIENDLY PECK EITHER.
339
00:13:57,558 --> 00:13:59,893
SHE LINGERED THERE FOR
AT LEAST HALF A SECOND.
340
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,234
CONGRATULATIONS.
341
00:14:01,301 --> 00:14:03,737
WITH A LITTLE PERSEVERANCE,
A NEW HAIRCUT, AND...
342
00:14:03,804 --> 00:14:05,071
( sniffing )
343
00:14:05,138 --> 00:14:07,674
A LITTLE LESS COLOGNE, I
SEE A HUG IN YOUR FUTURE.
344
00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:08,742
NOW, CAN YOU LEAVE?
345
00:14:08,809 --> 00:14:10,677
BUT DON'T YOU WANT
TO TAKE A PEEK
346
00:14:10,744 --> 00:14:12,412
AT THE RESULTS OF YOUR AUDIT?
347
00:14:12,478 --> 00:14:13,880
YO, I'M GETTING A REFUND?
348
00:14:13,947 --> 00:14:16,082
CHECK COULD BE IN
THE MAIL ON MONDAY.
349
00:14:16,149 --> 00:14:17,651
( laughing )
350
00:14:17,718 --> 00:14:18,819
( laughing )
351
00:14:18,885 --> 00:14:20,386
( both laughing )
352
00:14:20,453 --> 00:14:23,223
SO, WE BOTH BENEFITTED FROM
OUR BRIEF ASSOCIATION.
353
00:14:23,289 --> 00:14:25,859
NOW, YOU CAN LEAVE WITHOUT
EVER HAVING TO FEEL
354
00:14:25,926 --> 00:14:28,629
THAT WE EVER HAVE TO TALK
TO ONE ANOTHER AGAIN.
355
00:14:28,695 --> 00:14:30,063
OKAY? BYE‐BYE.
356
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:32,533
LAST NIGHT, WHEN I
WAS OUT ON THE TOWN
357
00:14:32,599 --> 00:14:33,934
I REALIZED SOMETHING.
358
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,903
THERE IS A BEVY OF
BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OUT THERE.
359
00:14:36,970 --> 00:14:39,773
HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR
SHORT‐ORDER GODDESS, MONA?
360
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,876
MONA? ONE NIGHT IN YOUR WORLD
MADE ME REALIZE I CAN DO BETTER
361
00:14:42,943 --> 00:14:44,945
THAN A WOMAN THAT
SMELLS LIKE KETCHUP.
362
00:14:46,312 --> 00:14:47,948
COME ON, KYLE.
363
00:14:48,014 --> 00:14:51,852
SHOW ME THE HIVE WHERE
THE HONEYBEES HANG.
364
00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,722
CLEARLY YOU ARE
UNDER THE DELUSION
365
00:14:55,789 --> 00:14:57,524
THAT I WOULD GO
ANYWHERE WITH YOU
366
00:14:57,591 --> 00:14:59,092
WITHOUT THREAT OF EXTORTION.
367
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:00,193
OH, NO, NO, NO.
368
00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:01,568
I'M NOT THAT CONFIDENT YET.
369
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,003
I'VE TAKEN CARE OF LAST YEAR
370
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,538
BUT EVERY TAX YEAR BEFORE THAT
371
00:15:04,605 --> 00:15:06,306
MIGHT NEED A LITTLE
MORE SCRUTINY.
372
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:09,309
DIPPLE, YOU CANNOT USE YOUR
POSITION TO THREATEN ME, MAN.
373
00:15:09,375 --> 00:15:10,811
KYLE, I'M WITH THE I. R. S.
374
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,979
I'LL GET MY COAT.
375
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,548
MMM.
376
00:15:14,615 --> 00:15:16,382
WELL, CUZ
377
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,984
BREAK A LEG.
378
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:21,154
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO
DO THAT ALL DAY.
379
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,289
THERE'S NO WAY THAT
I'M GOING OUT THERE
380
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:24,925
AND MAKE A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF.
381
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,660
WHAT ABOUT "THE
SHOW MUST GO ON"?
382
00:15:26,727 --> 00:15:28,562
WHAT ABOUT THE
TRADITION OF THEATER?
383
00:15:28,629 --> 00:15:30,330
WHAT ABOUT THE BACK DOOR?
384
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:31,698
I'M GETTING UP OUT.
385
00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:33,567
NO, NO, NOW.
386
00:15:33,634 --> 00:15:36,002
SYNCLAIRE, AS CORNY
AS YOUR LITTLE SPEECH
387
00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:38,171
IN THE KITCHEN WAS,
WE ALL BOUGHT IT.
388
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,006
NOW, IF YOU CAN ACT WELL ENOUGH
389
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,808
TO FOOL THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU
390
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:43,276
YOU SHOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM
391
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,278
FOOLING A CROWD
FULL OF STRANGERS.
392
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,813
DO YOU REALLY THINK SO?
393
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:48,081
I GOT TO GO.
394
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,851
GOOD LUCK.
395
00:15:57,758 --> 00:15:58,825
I DIDN'T SEE
396
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:00,460
A CONCESSION STAND OUT THERE.
397
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,669
YEAH, THAT'S WHY I
WENT TO THE 7‐ELEVEN.
398
00:16:02,736 --> 00:16:03,737
BIT‐O‐HONEY?
399
00:16:03,804 --> 00:16:04,905
MMM, COME ON WITH IT.
400
00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:10,310
( Slow music in a
minor key playing )
401
00:16:13,614 --> 00:16:16,049
I CRIED WIDOW'S TEARS, BRIAN.
402
00:16:16,116 --> 00:16:19,185
I HAD ALL THE MOURNERS
BELIEVING ME.
403
00:16:19,252 --> 00:16:20,721
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD
404
00:16:20,787 --> 00:16:23,423
BUT NOW THAT WE HAVE
THESE FEW MOMENTS ALONE
405
00:16:23,489 --> 00:16:25,726
I CAN TELL YOU JUST
HOW GLAD I AM...
406
00:16:25,792 --> 00:16:28,361
YOU'RE DEAD.
407
00:16:39,506 --> 00:16:41,074
( Audience laughing )
408
00:16:43,243 --> 00:16:44,778
HELLO, MOTHER.
409
00:16:44,845 --> 00:16:46,312
COME IN, SHIRLEEN.
410
00:16:46,379 --> 00:16:48,348
CLOSE THE DOOR.
411
00:17:00,967 --> 00:17:02,335
( laughing )
412
00:17:02,402 --> 00:17:05,438
OH, I'M... UH, WOO‐WOO‐WOO.
413
00:17:05,506 --> 00:17:07,007
( laughing )
414
00:17:08,675 --> 00:17:09,976
WOO‐WOO‐WOO?
415
00:17:10,043 --> 00:17:11,177
( laughing )
416
00:17:11,244 --> 00:17:14,447
WOO... WOO‐WOO?
417
00:17:14,515 --> 00:17:15,916
( laughing )
418
00:17:15,982 --> 00:17:18,919
ALL THE LADIES IN THE
HOUSE GO ♪ WHOO! ♪
419
00:17:22,523 --> 00:17:26,126
LET'S SEE IF HE'S REALLY DEAD
BEFORE HE TAKES HIS DIRT NAP.
420
00:17:30,664 --> 00:17:32,265
I KNOW YOU'RE GRIEVING, DEAR
421
00:17:32,332 --> 00:17:34,801
BUT I TRULY BELIEVE
HE'S IN A BETTER PLACE.
422
00:17:34,868 --> 00:17:36,937
WHAT, OFF‐OFF
BROADWAY AT HIS AGE?
423
00:17:37,003 --> 00:17:39,039
PLAYING THE UKELELE
IN THE SUBWAY
424
00:17:39,105 --> 00:17:40,574
WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE.
425
00:17:40,641 --> 00:17:41,808
( laughing )
426
00:17:41,875 --> 00:17:43,309
OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH!
427
00:17:43,376 --> 00:17:45,211
( laughing )
428
00:17:45,278 --> 00:17:47,514
HEY, I CAN'T BREATHE IN HERE!
429
00:17:47,581 --> 00:17:50,016
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BREATHE.
430
00:17:50,083 --> 00:17:51,151
YOU'RE DEAD.
431
00:17:51,217 --> 00:17:52,719
DECOMPOSE YOURSELF.
432
00:17:52,786 --> 00:17:54,454
( laughing )
433
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,202
SO, HOW ARE YOU FEELING NOW?
434
00:18:02,268 --> 00:18:03,937
S'ALL RIGHT!
435
00:18:06,573 --> 00:18:09,042
STOP IT! YOU'RE KILLING ME!
436
00:18:09,109 --> 00:18:10,376
WELL, THEN, HOP ON IN.
437
00:18:10,443 --> 00:18:11,778
THERE'S ROOM FOR TWO.
438
00:18:13,146 --> 00:18:14,681
FREAKY.
439
00:18:17,217 --> 00:18:18,685
WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW
440
00:18:18,752 --> 00:18:22,055
I COULD BORE ALL OF YOU
PEOPLE WITH A LONG SOLILOQUY
441
00:18:22,122 --> 00:18:24,958
ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH AND
MISERY AND SUFFERING
442
00:18:25,025 --> 00:18:26,860
BUT, HEY, YOU'VE GOT TO WALK
443
00:18:26,927 --> 00:18:29,162
THE STREETS OF NEW
YORK SOON, SO...
444
00:18:30,864 --> 00:18:32,432
GOOD‐BYE, PAPA.
445
00:18:32,498 --> 00:18:35,268
GIVE ST. PETER A NOOGIE FOR ME.
446
00:18:35,335 --> 00:18:36,570
NOOGIES!
447
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,038
YOU'VE BEEN GREAT.
448
00:18:38,104 --> 00:18:40,106
GOOD NIGHT. DEAD MAN ROLLING.
449
00:18:40,173 --> 00:18:42,809
( Cheering )
450
00:18:42,876 --> 00:18:43,977
GOOD NIGHT.
451
00:18:44,044 --> 00:18:45,278
OH, I LOVE YOU.
452
00:18:49,015 --> 00:18:50,717
BABY, YOU REALLY WOWED THEM.
453
00:18:50,784 --> 00:18:54,354
I LAUGHED, I CRIED, AND WHEN
YOU LIMBOED UNDER THE COFFIN
454
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:56,657
I DAMN NEAR DIED.
455
00:18:56,723 --> 00:19:00,493
OH, OVERTON, I HAD A REVELATION
ON THAT STAGE TONIGHT.
456
00:19:00,561 --> 00:19:02,235
I CAN'T MAKE PEOPLE SAD.
457
00:19:02,302 --> 00:19:05,806
LAUGHTER IS THE GIFT I'M
GOING TO GIVE THE WORLD.
458
00:19:05,872 --> 00:19:07,708
WELL, ON BEHALF OF THE WORLD
459
00:19:07,774 --> 00:19:10,043
I'D LIKE TO THANK
YOU WITH A KISS.
460
00:19:10,110 --> 00:19:11,878
THANK YOU.
461
00:19:11,945 --> 00:19:14,648
AND, UH, I GOT ANOTHER
KIND OF THANK YOU
462
00:19:14,715 --> 00:19:18,118
BUT I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
GIVE YOU THAT PERSONALLY.
463
00:19:18,184 --> 00:19:20,186
( Doorbell rings )
464
00:19:27,628 --> 00:19:28,695
LOOK HERE, WOMAN
465
00:19:28,762 --> 00:19:31,031
DON'T START NONE, WON'T BE NONE.
466
00:19:32,265 --> 00:19:34,234
I ADMIT I WAS IN QUITE A STATE
467
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,637
WHEN I GOT HOME,
BUT AS I WAS ABOUT
468
00:19:36,703 --> 00:19:39,105
TO DIVE OFF THE
LEDGE, THE PHONE RANG
469
00:19:39,172 --> 00:19:42,709
AND IT DIDN'T STOP RINGING
UNTIL MY ANSWERING MACHINE
470
00:19:42,776 --> 00:19:45,612
WAS FILLED WITH KUDOS
AND TICKET REQUESTS.
471
00:19:45,679 --> 00:19:47,247
TO SEE ME?
472
00:19:47,313 --> 00:19:49,082
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
473
00:19:49,149 --> 00:19:51,151
EVEN SHIRLEEN IS SPEECHLESS.
474
00:19:51,217 --> 00:19:53,820
CHECK OUT WHAT I DID AT
THE 24‐HOUR PRINTERS.
475
00:19:53,887 --> 00:19:56,857
"A FUNNY THING HAPPENED ON
THE WAY TO THE FUNERAL"
476
00:19:56,923 --> 00:19:59,392
DIRECTED BY MARY MARIE PLAZA
477
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:01,635
STARRING SYNCLAIRE JAMES.
478
00:20:01,702 --> 00:20:03,203
I WANT YOU TO STAY IN THE SHOW
479
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:05,672
AND CONTINUE TO MAKE A
MOCKERY OF THE SCRIPT.
480
00:20:05,739 --> 00:20:07,140
I DON'T KNOW.
481
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,308
I‐I, I'D LOVE TO
482
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,911
BUT EVERYTHING I
DID WAS AD‐LIBBED.
483
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:12,913
I DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF IT.
484
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,915
NEVER FEAR, MY VIDEO VIXEN.
485
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,416
IT'S ALL IN THE HAT.
486
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,018
OH...!
487
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:19,753
THIS IS POSITIVELY KARMIC.
488
00:20:19,820 --> 00:20:22,188
SYNCLAIRE JAMES IS
GOING TO BE A STAR
489
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,757
AND MARY MARIE PLAZA'S
490
00:20:23,824 --> 00:20:26,660
FINALLY GOING TO GET
OFF ANTI‐DEPRESSANTS.
491
00:20:28,862 --> 00:20:33,299
SO, OBIE, HOW MUCH MORE TIME
DO WE HAVE LEFT ON THE TAPE?
492
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:35,869
I GUESS WE GOT ABOUT 58 MINUTES.
493
00:20:35,936 --> 00:20:37,671
WHY DO YOU ASK?
494
00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:42,008
I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME
THAT YOU AUDITIONED FOR ME.
495
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,478
OH, MY.
496
00:20:45,546 --> 00:20:46,913
GET ON UP THE STAIRS, DADDY.
497
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:48,048
GET ON UP THE STAIRS.
498
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,182
( laughing )
499
00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:52,152
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
500
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:00,560
OH, UH, UH, UH...
501
00:21:00,601 --> 00:21:01,668
NO, KYLE, WAIT.
502
00:21:01,735 --> 00:21:03,504
I JUST WANTED TO
RETURN YOUR RECEIPTS.
503
00:21:03,570 --> 00:21:05,271
WELL, JUST DROP
THEM ON THE FLOOR
504
00:21:05,338 --> 00:21:06,472
AND BACK AWAY SLOWLY.
505
00:21:06,540 --> 00:21:08,074
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.
506
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,710
I FOUND OUT THE HARD WAY
507
00:21:09,776 --> 00:21:12,412
THAT MY NEW‐FOUND POWER
HAS A DOWN SIDE.
508
00:21:12,478 --> 00:21:14,247
I RAN INTO THE WRONG WOMAN.
509
00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:15,816
AN EVIL WOMAN.
510
00:21:15,882 --> 00:21:17,250
A HARPY.
511
00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:18,384
A HELLION.
512
00:21:18,451 --> 00:21:20,521
EVIL? HARPY? HELLION?
513
00:21:20,587 --> 00:21:22,656
IS THIS A LOCAL GIRL?
514
00:21:22,723 --> 00:21:24,424
SHE LIVES RIGHT
ACROSS THE STREET.
515
00:21:24,490 --> 00:21:26,059
IN FACT, I BETTER GET GOING.
516
00:21:26,126 --> 00:21:29,362
I JUST LEFT HER A NOTE ON
HER DOOR BREAKING OUR DATE.
517
00:21:29,429 --> 00:21:32,633
Max: DIPPLE, I KNOW
YOU'RE STILL AROUND HERE!
518
00:21:32,699 --> 00:21:34,835
I SEE YOUR GOVERNMENT PLATES!
519
00:21:34,901 --> 00:21:36,937
RUN, MAN, RUN LIKE THE WIND.
520
00:21:38,872 --> 00:21:43,610
[Captioned by The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]
521
00:22:08,875 --> 00:22:11,745
WOO‐HOO!